Money and Me, The Relationship Without Money

After my mom died, I worked so hard and I never asked any money to anyone to fulfill my need. Even in my struggling time.

I just ate less. I cut my spending as much as I could. I bathed using the very cheap soap and used it until that tiny little piece was gone. I walked far so I could save some transport fees. I didn’t buy any clothes and I used every stuffs until they can not be used anymore.

It was because I didn’t want to ask for any help concerning money. I was determined that I’d rather die than asking for help for my living expenses.

And I became independent from long time ago. I am proud of that. No one could dictate me what to do because I survived on my own. I couldn’t do that without God’s help so I am always grateful to God for that.

I have just enough. I save when I could. Give when I want. I ain’t rich, I ain’t a splurger, and I ain’t a saint, but I am worth it.

Money is not me. And I want a relationship which is not based on money.

I have enough scars from relationships involving money that I want no more.

So now it has come to this, ask me for any money then you lose me.

If you go because I can’t give you any money, then it’s clear to me that I don’t have any worth to you.

You might think I am cruel but they are the cruel ones. I have shed many tears. I have been hurt many times. I was used. I was betrayed. I was not loved. I was forgotten. I was abandoned. So much that my soul is darkened.

What is this about money anyway, Why people are so blinded about it?

Firstly, when you want something, and you don’t have any money to get it, just simply hold yourself until you have your own money to get it. Why you have to borrow from someone else?

I have many, a lot, thousands instances that I hold myself of something that I want because I don’t have my own money. I have a lot of interests and they are boundless, in any second of time. But I know that I have to hold them to not cause any trouble to any one and to keep my dignity. Do you know how big the satisfaction is when you finally get what you want with your own strength even if it took years?

It doesn’t have to be today. You might not want it after today. So borrowing someone else money for any kinds of consuming is a sign of lack of self control.

Secondly, you find it hard to fulfill your basic needs and your family needs. Why is it your needs and your family needs should be burdened on someone else? Have you tried your best? I have not found any single person who have tried their best and still couldn’t afford their living. Because of what? God is Merciful. You will always earn enough because God’s Blessing is limitless. I am sorry but from what I have seen, some people did not try their best but claim to be, did not want to challenge outside the border they set for themselves and blame God for it.

And lastly, there is this element of sacrifice. To want something is to be willing to sacrifice other thing in order to have that something. Someone who does not want to sacrifice what they have and instead look from others means they are sacrificing others.

And I am so done of being sacrificed. I am not anyone’s property.


Credit: Picture is not mine, all rights to the original owner.


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