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What I Need to Talk to My Mom If She Was Alive 03/02/2017

Filed under: Reflections — hifni1985 @ 6:10 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,

2017-02-02
 
 

As a sensitive person, socializing with other people is sometimes hard. People aren’t always accepting and sometimes are filled with judgements. Some people hurt other people easily and some use others for their advantages without care.

When Mom was alive, I used to say to myself every time someone wronged me or my feelings got wounded by others, and then cried back home, that it’s okay, I had Mom with me. Mom loved me very much and it was all that mattered to me. Then I rose again without hating people who wronged me. I was so innocent back then.

Years after Mom was no longer with me, I toughened myself up, while still being the same sensitive person. I hold things in every time I was hurt by others and things started to pile up and became burdens. I was then filled with hatred and lose the innocent mind I once had. Because Mom was no longer with me to soothe my feeling anymore. I also have been independent for so long that I got used to it and often I don’t want to depend on others because I am afraid of disappointment.

I wanted to say how I still miss Mom so very much each and everyday. That Mom will always be the best mother in the world for me, as I often used to say. That sometimes I like to imagine how my life would be if Mom were still with me. That I have received an enormous love from Mom and always grateful for it.

Now it has been half a year since I started my revolution to eliminate all the hatred that consumed me. I decided to forgive people even when they never apologized because I realized that it will be hard only for me while they who have done me wrong will just continue with their lives without thinking how their actions or words have harmed me. So I decided to let go all those burdens that have been pulling me down. It will be a continuous struggle but I have started. Surely God Don’t Want me to hate anyone so I want to be in God’s Favor.

God has always Been A Great Support for me, Gave me even more than the things I prayed for, and I’m so grateful so Mom don’t need to worry about me. I am still far lacking but I will keep trying to be a better human.

I pray that Mom will always be in God’s blessings. I shall work hard in life, as not to be a disappointment for Mom. I hope we could meet again in the afterlife within God’s Grace and Mercy, with smiles on our faces.

I Love Mom, forever and ever…

 

Disclaimer: Picture is not mine, all rights belong to the owner.

 

2 Responses to “What I Need to Talk to My Mom If She Was Alive”

  1. Reana Nite Says:

    terkadang juga aku kepikiran kalau ibuku udah ga ada akan seperti apa kosongnya hatiku ini… kalau pulang ke rumah aku yakin akan hampa sekali. beda bahagianya. atau bahkan mungkin ga pengen pulang malah. ibu = tempat kembali. semoga beliau panjang umur dan berkah. bisa ketemu lagi dalam keadaan sehat dan bahagia. aamiin ya Allah.

    mulai membuka diri ya say… semangat! 🙂

    Like

    • hifni1985 Says:

      Makanya dulu itu aku ga pernah pulkam selama kuliah. I lost my home. Iya sayangilah Ibu Rela sebesar mungkin, rasanya tuh kadang sesak saat Ibu yang kita paling ingin berbagi kebahagiaan sudah tidak ada lagi di dunia ini. Cuma aku terus bilang pada diriku bahwa Allah lah Yang Maha Pemberi Kebahagiaan dan tentunya Emak lebih baik disana.

      Sejak Ramadhan kemarinlah aku mulai menyadari dampak dari kebencian yang selama ini kupendam dan mulai menyingkirkannya. Alhamdulillah mulai terasa lebih plong.

      Like


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