My 10 Boundaries


We discussed about this before in the INFJ community,
What are the boundaries you set for your relationships with others to flourish?

So my 10 boundaries are:
1. Not forcing me to do something.
Ask me first before you put me onto something. I have to-do-list and I know my limit.
2. Keep your words, do not say one thing but do others. Pay your debt before the time is due.
3. Be honest, truthful, and sincere.
4. Watch your words, do not say hurtful words.
5. Be courteous.
Say Sorry when you’re wrong and fix your mistakes, don’t let others suffer the consequences of your actions,
say Please when asking for a favour, and
say Thank You after getting the help you need.
6. Be strong and responsible.
Do not depend on me too much. I need to depend on someone too, no matter how strong I am. Hold your responsibilities because I hold mine.
7. Don’t be selfish.
Thinking of your needs is okay, but it’s not okay when you’re sacrificing other people’s needs to get yours.
8. Listen, don’t ignore what I say, and do something about it.
I find it hard to voice my concern, but when I do, you need to listen because it matters to me.
9. Don’t meddle on my business.
I can take care of certain things myself. If it’s not related to you, don’t always ask questions and want to know everything.
10. Keep all secrets.
Everything that I share to you, you can’t share it to anyone. Because I’m a very private person so I dislike people talking about me on almost everything. Keep the conversation between us only.


Kami membahas hal ini sebelumnya di komunitas INFJ,
Apa batasan yang Anda tetapkan agar hubungan Anda dengan orang lain bisa berkembang?

10 batasan saya adalah:
1. Tidak memaksaku melakukan sesuatu.
Tanya aku dulu sebelum Anda menempatkanku pada sesuatu. Aku punya daftar tugas dan aku tahu batas kesanggupanku.
2. Tepati kata-kata Anda, jangan mengatakan satu hal tapi melakukan yang lain. Bayar hutang Anda sebelum waktunya jatuh tempo.
3. Berlakulah jujur, benar, dan tulus.
4. Jaga kata-katamu, jangan mengucapkan kata-kata yang menyakitkan.
5. Bersikap sopan.
Katakanlah maaf saat Anda salah dan perbaiki kesalahan Anda, jangan biarkan orang lain menderita akibat tindakan Anda,
Katakan tolong saat meminta bantuan, dan
ucapkan terimakasih setelah mendapat bantuan yang anda butuhkan.
6. Jadilah orang yang kuat dan bertanggung jawab.
Jangan terlalu bergantung padaku. Aku pun butuh bergantung pada seseorang, tidak peduli seberapapun kuatnya aku. Pegang tanggung jawabmu karena aku memenuhi tanggung jawabku.
7. Jangan egois.
Memikirkan kebutuhan Anda tidak apa-apa, tapi tidaklah baik bila Anda mengorbankan kebutuhan orang lain untuk mendapatkannya.
8. Dengarkan aku, jangan abaikan apa yang aku katakan, dan lakukan sesuatu tentang hal tersebut.
Aku sering merasa berat untuk menyuarakan kepentinganku, tapi ketika aku melakukannya, dengarkanlah karena ini benar-benar berarti bagiku.
9. Jangan mencampuri urusan saya.
Saya bisa mengurus hal-hal tertentu sendiri. Jadi jika sesuatu hal tersebut tidak berhubungan dengan Anda, jangan selalu mengajukan pertanyaan dan ingin tahu segalanya.
10. Jaga semua rahasia.
Segala sesuatu yang aku bagikan padamu, jangan membagikannya kepada siapapun. Karena aku orang yang sangat menjaga privasi jadi aku tidak suka orang membicarakanku pada hampir semua hal. Simpan percakapan kita di antara kita saja.


Disclaimer: Only picture is not mine, all right for the picture belongs to the original source.

The Potential in an INFJ Relationship




For some personality types, relationships can come about quite easily; but for an INFJ, relationships can be significantly more difficult to initiate and traverse. This particular Myers-Briggs personality type is defined as being introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging. INFJ is a rare but intriguing personality to come across and even more unusual to find in the male gender. In fact, it is estimated that only about one to three percent of the population exhibits INFJ. When it comes to dating and relationships, INFJ individuals have their work cut out – as does a prospective partner of this personality type.


INFJ Characteristics


The standard traits of INFJ individuals (introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging) create only a basic template for this personality. The nickname for this type of disposition is “The Protector.” Being an observant and compassionate soul, individuals with this kind of persona will go to great lengths to avoid hurting or upsetting others and are very protective of those they care about. Although easy to approach due to their warmth and gentility, “protectors” are also perfectionists who strive to create order and flawlessness in their worlds. This character type tends to be very creative and artistic, especially in the field of writing due to their profound understanding of emotion and keen eye for detail. Being an INFJ is as close as a human might come to being empathic. This kind of individual is sensitive, perceptive, and highly likely to stick with a gut instinct about a person or situation; and their instincts are usually right. As prone as this character is to picking up on others’ feelings, intentions, and general personality traits, this particular individual will be less likely to offer up their own feelings and may be accused of “holding back” in their relationships, primarily romantic ones.


Their penchant for self-reliance can be an issue, especially in a relationship. An INFJ is so used to relying on his or her own instincts (using the “I’m always right” justification) that they may have a tendency to dismiss others’ opinions, sometimes even before they have a chance to listen to the other party. This can be exceptionally problematic when a partner picks up on this unbalance and questions his or her value in the relationship. Their natural attention to detail and perfectionism leads to less fun in a teamwork situation. In fact, INFJs often prefer to work alone because, in their opinion, that’s the only way that everything will be done to their high standard. In a relationship, this persona may become annoyed with a partner who introduces chaos to their carefully crafted environment. Turning the tables, INFJs can irritate partners by frequently striving for perfection which often overflows into the relationship itself. A “protector” can be controlling in that he or she takes to planning and organizing well in advance and will often make decisions single-handedly. This stubborn character will frequently reassess the priorities in their life to ensure that they live up to their full potential, though rarely will they feel as though they have achieved this high goal.


INFJ Relationships


For the right partner, a “protector” can make a wonderful spouse and parent. Although easily able to move on past a relationship that clearly is not working, this individual will be completely devoted to the right person and is most likely in search of a long-term relationship. The “protector” is very gentle and makes a good listener. Their trustworthy intuition can also be a wonderful trait for an individual who needs/appreciates the reassurance that INFJ individuals can provide. A relationship with a protective personality like this can feel one-sided because the “protector” takes charge and often makes decisions without consulting others. They also show so much interest in others’ feelings, concerns, and desires yet they rarely share their own. Although seeming to always be the rock-like force for others to confide in, “protectors” are easily hurt (likely due to the fact that it takes a lot of time and trust to share their inner selves with others).


An individual who seeks a well-organized and closely-knit family would do well to partner up with an INFJ. This personality will usually have very close, loving, and nurturing relationships with their children as well as their spouse. Although idealistic and reserved, this persona has strong values that will not easily be tossed aside. This trait, paired with a constant need to think and plan towards the future, can make for a steady and reliable partner and future parent.


Compatible Personality Types


There are four primary Myers-Briggs personalities that seem to get along best in INFJ relationships. One such personality is the ENFP (extravert, intuitive, feeling, and perceiving). This personality shares intuitiveness yet the extravert trait is a nice complement to the “protector” persona. ENTP (extravert, intuitive, thinking, perceiving) is another personality type that gets along well with the INFJ for the same reasons. INTJ (introvert, intuitive, thinking, judging) displays many of the primary personality traits as the INFJ and will likely be more understanding and accepting of an INFJ’s “ways.” By the same logic, the fourth most suitable personality type is another INFJ.


Relationship Guidance for the INFJ


Traditionally, this persona finds it difficult to initiate relationships which can result in very few serious relationships and long bouts of loneliness. If this sounds familiar, then you’ll know that this scenario is usually related to the difficulty you have sharing your inner self and your deep-seated need to put others’ happiness before your own. Once you snag the attention of a potential partner, your compassionate and easy-to-approach nature often helps to bring them in for closer scrutiny. One who passes the test, so to speak, will likely cause you to bend over backwards (of your own accord) to see them happy. Just remember that your own strong desire to please a partner shouldn’t outweigh your own desires and values.


As a “protector,” it can be difficult to push aside your instincts and listen to the views of your significant other, especially if you truly feel that you are right. Even the most laid-back partner will appreciate having his or her opinion listened to and considered seriously. Your desire to jump into planning-mode may also make a potential partner uneasy. While this particular trait may be seemingly impossible to ignore, consider a compromise in which you can kick-start a bit of early planning yet hold off on any decision-making until you’ve had a chance to discuss options with your significant other. This is paramount in any situation that affects your partner and/or your relationship.


Tips for Dating an INFJ Personality


A prospective partner needs to understand the INFJ’s need to take it slowly when revealing their inner self. It can be difficult to be around someone who so easily seems to understand you, especially when they give so little back in the way of opening up. Patience and an appreciation for your INFJ’s passionate and enthusiastic nature will go a long way in the relationship. Eventually you will crack the stubborn shell of your “protector” and get to know the creative, sensitive, and compassionate soul that lies beneath. You will find that your INFJ partner has high expectations of you. For the most part, these will be reasonable expectations but don’t be afraid to speak up if you begin to feel that your partner is laying the pressure on too thickly. If you begin to feel overwhelmed with your significant other’s need to seek control, take the chance to gently remind your partner that you deserve to have your opinions and thoughts heard. Ultimately, don’t take your partner’s feelings about you lightly; if they are willing to stick around then you should know that they genuinely care for you and will eventually let you through each layer of their being.


Your INFJ partner easily picks up on the moods of others around them and often seeks a way to make everyone happy. This can be exhausting for your companion, so respect their inevitable need to “recharge” after a social situation. Some quiet time at home will usually do the trick. Although your partner may appear to be a social butterfly, remember that at heart he or she will struggle to divulge their own feelings to others, even your friends; so don’t be too upset if your partner doesn’t instantly open up to your pals. Also, too much spontaneity and impulsiveness can send up a red flag to your partner, making it difficult for them to view you as a stable, long-term partner. Ultimately, this may lead to an inadvertent relationship sabotage.


Disclaimer: Copyright © 2014

Money and Me, The Relationship Without Money

After my mom died, I worked so hard and I never asked any money to anyone to fulfill my need. Even in my struggling time.

I just ate less. I cut my spending as much as I could. I bathed using the very cheap soap and used it until that tiny little piece was gone. I walked far so I could save some transport fees. I didn’t buy any clothes and I used every stuffs until they can not be used anymore.

It was because I didn’t want to ask for any help concerning money. I was determined that I’d rather die than asking for help for my living expenses.

And I became independent from long time ago. I am proud of that. No one could dictate me what to do because I survived on my own. I couldn’t do that without God’s help so I am always grateful to God for that.

I have just enough. I save when I could. Give when I want. I ain’t rich, I ain’t a splurger, and I ain’t a saint, but I am worth it.

Money is not me. And I want a relationship which is not based on money.

I have enough scars from relationships involving money that I want no more.

So now it has come to this, ask me for any money then you lose me.

If you go because I can’t give you any money, then it’s clear to me that I don’t have any worth to you.

You might think I am cruel but they are the cruel ones. I have shed many tears. I have been hurt many times. I was used. I was betrayed. I was not loved. I was forgotten. I was abandoned. So much that my soul is darkened.

What is this about money anyway, Why people are so blinded about it?

Firstly, when you want something, and you don’t have any money to get it, just simply hold yourself until you have your own money to get it. Why you have to borrow from someone else?

I have many, a lot, thousands instances that I hold myself of something that I want because I don’t have my own money. I have a lot of interests and they are boundless, in any second of time. But I know that I have to hold them to not cause any trouble to any one and to keep my dignity. Do you know how big the satisfaction is when you finally get what you want with your own strength even if it took years?

It doesn’t have to be today. You might not want it after today. So borrowing someone else money for any kinds of consuming is a sign of lack of self control.

Secondly, you find it hard to fulfill your basic needs and your family needs. Why is it your needs and your family needs should be burdened on someone else? Have you tried your best? I have not found any single person who have tried their best and still couldn’t afford their living. Because of what? God is Merciful. You will always earn enough because God’s Blessing is limitless. I am sorry but from what I have seen, some people did not try their best but claim to be, did not want to challenge outside the border they set for themselves and blame God for it.

And lastly, there is this element of sacrifice. To want something is to be willing to sacrifice other thing in order to have that something. Someone who does not want to sacrifice what they have and instead look from others means they are sacrificing others.

And I am so done of being sacrificed. I am not anyone’s property.


Credit: Picture is not mine, all rights to the original owner.

Sincerity in Relationship

I, know, am still lacking in human to human relationship. Being good friends, families, colleagues, perhaps so many people are doing it better than me.
But I, believe, I treat people with sincerity. I never use them or exploit them to fulfill my need. I have a big pride and my pride just won’t let me do that. Being independent for quite a long time and my nature of being so reluctant to ask for help, have helped me minimize or avoid using people.
All these times, I have suffered a lot through many relationships-turned-sour with friends, families, or colleagues.
But I, never the one to abandon people before they abandon me first.
Sometimes people choose money, greed, ego, thought, judgement, and necessities over me, and don’t care how much hurt or harm they inflict on me.
But I, no matter how much hatred on them I used to keep, or then decided to let go, won’t inflict harms on those who have hurt me.
I simply just walk away, after partly blaming myself, questioning why did I experience such a thing again, and shutting another part of my heart so I would hurt less in the future.
That’s how I survive, being a sensitive person in the middle of a society which sometimes lacks in terms of sensitivity.
That’s how I end up being slow to warm up to people.
But I, do have few people whom I feel close to and trust.
The ones I hold dear in my heart.
And I, appreciate sincerity more than anything else because it is the only thing that could touch my heart.

picture credit: picture is not mine, all rights to the original owner