My Life My Journey

It's All About My World

Your Job Does not Determine Your Value 26/01/2017

Filed under: Thoughts — hifni1985 @ 9:53 am
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I met a woman on a train in the Netherlands two or three years ago, she’s Indonesian, a freelance writer, and traveling solo to Europe using her savings from her book royalty. I thought to myself at that time, Wow, that’s amazing! But then, there was an insecurity when she spoke about her job, comparing herself to me when I said I am a government employee. I assured her that she should be proud of herself, not the otherwise, and that no job is better or worse than others.

A similar case happened long before that, back when I met my high school’s friend just a few years after I started working. She mentioned that she did business after graduating, but discredited herself and thought that she’s not as good as someone who has a settle job. I said why would she think so. The fact that she managed a business is something not everyone could do.

On the opposite note, a friend told me that she met one of our school’s friend who had become successful as an officer but acted like a snob. Not that I fully believed her since I didn’t meet that friend directly to know better. But no matter what, I believe:
Being an officer or employee is not something so great that someone should feel they’re better than anyone else, and on the contrary, not being an employee is not something someone should feel ashamed of.

Perhaps it is the society’s judgement who put someone down just because he/she isn’t entitled to a certain job. But why should we be conquered by such ridiculous judgement?

That kind of judgement is one of the reasons people push their children to work as employees and even willing to do whatever it takes to make their children get accepted to some offices.

People go crazy over status and money and don’t realize such things are futile and never something to decide a human’s value.

As for me, even though you’re a king, a president, a billionaire, a superstar, you are not higher than me, and I am not less than you. I don’t care what the society says. Because I believe everyone is equal.


Disclaimer: Picture is not mine, all rights belong to the owner.


Appreciate Different Personalities 19/12/2016

Filed under: Thoughts — hifni1985 @ 3:02 am
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I think God Created people with different personalities that suited them the best.
Every one of us was brought up differently, faces different obstacles, with different worries, and have different things we consider important or could make us happy.
Did you ever wonder if you have different personality, what would your life be at the moment? Would it be better? Worse?

There were times that I regretted having personality like mine, and thought that things would be great or easier if I could be like the person A, B, C, or D.
But then, I have come to realize, that I could handle my kind of personality the best, and I feel comfortable in my own skin.
That no matter what, I’ve come this far because I am who I am.

Honestly, I, never force people to understand how I live my life. And I never expect them to live like me. I also don’t push people to cater to my needs. So I don’t go very well with people telling me what to do, that this is wrong, they are right, and so on.

Let’s just live our lives differently and still be good to each other.
Don’t force each other to be similar with ourselves.
Don’t get angry to see someone who doesn’t live like how you live your life.
Let’s be civil and understanding.
Let’s be friends.


Money and Me, The Relationship Without Money 25/10/2016

Filed under: Thoughts — hifni1985 @ 7:43 pm
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After my mom died, I worked so hard and I never asked any money to anyone to fulfill my need. Even in my struggling time.

I just ate less. I cut my spending as much as I could. I bathed using the very cheap soap and used it until that tiny little piece was gone. I walked far so I could save some transport fees. I didn’t buy any clothes and I used every stuffs until they can not be used anymore.

It was because I didn’t want to ask for any help concerning money. I was determined that I’d rather die than asking for help for my living expenses.

And I became independent from long time ago. I am proud of that. No one could dictate me what to do because I survived on my own. I couldn’t do that without God’s help so I am always grateful to God for that.

I have just enough. I save when I could. Give when I want. I ain’t rich, I ain’t a splurger, and I ain’t a saint, but I am worth it.

Money is not me. And I want a relationship which is not based on money.

I have enough scars from relationships involving money that I want no more.

So now it has come to this, ask me for any money then you lose me.

If you go because I can’t give you any money, then it’s clear to me that I don’t have any worth to you.

You might think I am cruel but they are the cruel ones. I have shed many tears. I have been hurt many times. I was used. I was betrayed. I was not loved. I was forgotten. I was abandoned. So much that my soul is darkened.

What is this about money anyway, Why people are so blinded about it?

Firstly, when you want something, and you don’t have any money to get it, just simply hold yourself until you have your own money to get it. Why you have to borrow from someone else?

I have many, a lot, thousands instances that I hold myself of something that I want because I don’t have my own money. I have a lot of interests and they are boundless, in any second of time. But I know that I have to hold them to not cause any trouble to any one and to keep my dignity. Do you know how big the satisfaction is when you finally get what you want with your own strength even if it took years?

It doesn’t have to be today. You might not want it after today. So borrowing someone else money for any kinds of consuming is a sign of lack of self control.

Secondly, you find it hard to fulfill your basic needs and your family needs. Why is it your needs and your family needs should be burdened on someone else? Have you tried your best? I have not found any single person who have tried their best and still couldn’t afford their living. Because of what? God is Merciful. You will always earn enough because God’s Blessing is limitless. I am sorry but from what I have seen, some people did not try their best but claim to be, did not want to challenge outside the border they set for themselves and blame God for it.

And lastly, there is this element of sacrifice. To want something is to be willing to sacrifice other thing in order to have that something. Someone who does not want to sacrifice what they have and instead look from others means they are sacrificing others.

And I am so done of being sacrificed. I am not anyone’s property.


Credit: Picture is not mine, all rights to the original owner.


A Marriage Should be With Love 06/10/2016

Filed under: Thoughts — hifni1985 @ 6:21 pm

I won’t love someone if it does not reciprocate. I won’t start loving if I know I won’t be at the receiving end of love as well. Because as much as I give, I want to accept as well. Because I’m not as kind and selfless as my mom. Because I see and know how painful it is to love someone who does not love you as much.
So a marriage without love is not an option for me. I’d rather wait until I could meet someone who is destined to be with me in a loving relationship rather than rush a marriage but end up in a bland relationship.
Because I am fine alone and I have coped with “being alone” well enough. So I want “being together” means being with someone where both can be better. And my definition of loneliness is not being alone but the emptyness feeling you feel despite being together.
Marriage is a hard work but it could work when both sides are trying their best, it’s not enough if only one side gives an effort.
Falling out of love may be easy, but having an affair is out of the question. You just have to be honest and call it quit before starting a new relationship, is that so hard? Man up and don’t be a coward or selfish brat. Because as much as you want to find happiness, the other person also deserves the happiness.


Self Worth 25/08/2016

Filed under: Thoughts — hifni1985 @ 9:19 am
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How much do you think your worth?
Do you think you’re better than others or do you think you’re less than others?
Is it good to have that kind of thought?
Isn’t that each human valuable in their own way?
I am a sensitive person. I tend to have low self-confidence. I used to think I am less than other people. Because of so many reasons. One that has haunted me for so long is the fact that I’m not that good in socializing with other people. I used to blame myself when I couldn’t get close to people or when people couldn’t accept me for who I am.
But then I slowly comes to term with it. I realize that everyone is unique in their own. My weakness, I already embraced it. In returns, I know that I have my strength also.
But there are some people who like to judge from their own perspectives, without considering the other side. They are quick to assume, jump to their own conclusion, without even asking others’ point of view.
I know that being good in socializing will do you good in many ways. But blaming someone for not being good at that, pricking their weakness as if they are guilty for something they are not good at, is it wise?
Everyone has a wish to be accepted as the way they are, both weakness and strength. Making their self-worth dropping down-low is not something one should do as a human. Since human are full of imperfection.


Disclaimer: Picture is not mine, all rights belong to the owner.


Belittling, A Bad Habit in Indonesia 17/08/2016

Filed under: Thoughts — hifni1985 @ 10:43 pm
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We all are different.
We appreciate different things.
We have our own struggle,
For something we consider important.
Belittling somebody’s struggle just because you don’t think it’s important enough or think there are other things much more important is not quite right, isn’t it?
But I guess this is the habit in Indonesia.
Where everyone force things to someone to meet their expectations, even though they don’t really know the person at all.
Isn’t it better just to focus on our own self?

Disclaimer: Picture is not mine, all rights belong to the owner.


Thought On “An axe forgets but the tree remembers.” 16/07/2016

Filed under: Thoughts — hifni1985 @ 5:18 pm
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A proverb said:
“An axe forgets but the tree remembers.”

It is easy for someone who is hurting another person to forget the wrong and move on but the person who was hurt never forgets.

But things to remember:

Sometimes when we socialize, some people would say or do things that trouble us or weight our thoughts. Such things are bound to happen.

Since we couldn’t control how people behave toward us, we should control our own view and reaction toward them.

Honestly, like the proverb said they who hurt wouldn’t even think of the effect their actions or words have on us and just go on with their lives and happiness.
So why on earth should we let our lives affected and happiness taken by them?

Think about it!

So my point is:
No matter what happens, don’t worry about anything, anyone, and Be happy, always!
Cause your own happiness is in your hands.

Disclaimer: Picture is not mine, all rights belong to the owner.


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