My Life My Journey

It's All About My World

God is The One 03/03/2017

Filed under: Reflections — hifni1985 @ 11:44 pm
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After my mom passed away, God is the only one I count on.

I realize God is the one who loves me the most.

My fear, my worry, my feelings, God knows everything.

God’s blessing are enormous that I lose count.

I am always grateful to God for everything.

As weak as a human, I am often strayed from what I should do.

My gratefulness sometimes isn’t shaped well.

Taken God’s Love and Mercy for granted, I often forget the way.

But I always know that,

My life is for God to take.

All my belongings are gifts from God.

I came from nothing and shall return to nothing.

God’s rage is what I fear the most.

I am always thankful for God’s guidance and reminds.

I am thankful for this life.



My Responsibility to be Happy 16/02/2017

Filed under: Reflections — hifni1985 @ 8:33 pm
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I have the responsibility to be happy, for my mom and for myself.

So I have decided not to let anything or anyone made me feel otherwise.

Well, like I said it will always be a long life struggle.

But I’m starting to get the knack of it.

I used to care so much about what people think, say, or do,
that It influenced me for days, weeks, months, or even years.

Now I try to focus on myself more no matter what people think, say, or do.

And It actually works.

Now even if I’m upset, sad, or down, it doesn’t stay for long like before.

Just remember that what you think of yourself, what you feel about yourself, and
what you do for yourself is what matters the most.

And The Only One you need to be in favor of and to seek help from is Allah SWT, The Almighty.

Then Life becomes simple.

Disclaimer: Picture is not mine, all rights belong to the original sources.


What I Need to Talk to My Mom If She Was Alive 03/02/2017

Filed under: Reflections — hifni1985 @ 6:10 am
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As a sensitive person, socializing with other people is sometimes hard. People aren’t always accepting and sometimes are filled with judgements. Some people hurt other people easily and some use others for their advantages without care.

When Mom was alive, I used to say to myself every time someone wronged me or my feelings got wounded by others, and then cried back home, that it’s okay, I had Mom with me. Mom loved me very much and it was all that mattered to me. Then I rose again without hating people who wronged me. I was so innocent back then.

Years after Mom was no longer with me, I toughened myself up, while still being the same sensitive person. I hold things in every time I was hurt by others and things started to pile up and became burdens. I was then filled with hatred and lose the innocent mind I once had. Because Mom was no longer with me to soothe my feeling anymore. I also have been independent for so long that I got used to it and often I don’t want to depend on others because I am afraid of disappointment.

I wanted to say how I still miss Mom so very much each and everyday. That Mom will always be the best mother in the world for me, as I often used to say. That sometimes I like to imagine how my life would be if Mom were still with me. That I have received an enormous love from Mom and always grateful for it.

Now it has been half a year since I started my revolution to eliminate all the hatred that consumed me. I decided to forgive people even when they never apologized because I realized that it will be hard only for me while they who have done me wrong will just continue with their lives without thinking how their actions or words have harmed me. So I decided to let go all those burdens that have been pulling me down. It will be a continuous struggle but I have started. Surely God Don’t Want me to hate anyone so I want to be in God’s Favor.

God has always Been A Great Support for me, Gave me even more than the things I prayed for, and I’m so grateful so Mom don’t need to worry about me. I am still far lacking but I will keep trying to be a better human.

I pray that Mom will always be in God’s blessings. I shall work hard in life, as not to be a disappointment for Mom. I hope we could meet again in the afterlife within God’s Grace and Mercy, with smiles on our faces.

I Love Mom, forever and ever…


Disclaimer: Picture is not mine, all rights belong to the owner.


Mengingat Kebaikan 19/01/2017

Filed under: Reflections — hifni1985 @ 10:23 pm
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Alhamdulillah dapet rezeki kemarin, beli nasi telor 10 ribu dikasih telor 2, katanya karena mau nutup. Pas saya tanya apa bener ga rugi nih, katanya ga koq. Saya cuma bisa bilang Makasih. Saya bersyukur. 🙂

Sebenernya kalo mau dilihat sepanjang hidup saya, udah banyak kebaikan orang yang saya terima, kadang juga dari orang yang tidak saya kenal dekat, strangers bahasa kerennya.

Saat ada orang yang menyakiti hati saya, itu membuat saya antipati pada dunia. Namun, mengingat kebaikan-kebaikan sebagian manusia lain, membuat hati saya luluh kembali.

Bahwa bumi ini masihlah tempat yang baik untuk ditinggali. Bahwa saya hanya perlu mengingat mereka yang sudah berbuat baik dan melupakan mereka yang sudah menyakiti. Maka dunia ini akan terasa terang kembali.

Dan besar pula harapan saya bisa menjadi orang yang dikenang kebaikannya dan bukan karena pernah menyakiti. Semoga.


Disclaimer: Picture is not mine, all rights belong to the owner.


My Resolution 26/12/2016

Filed under: Reflections — hifni1985 @ 2:49 am
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I have promised myself to feel happy no matter what the circumstances. There are a lot of other people who have it harder than me. So I should not let anything discourage me. Even though not many things go according to my plan. Even though people not accepting of how I am. I should not let anyone or anything define how I should feel. It should be enough if I appreciate who I am and things that I have.
Every thing in this life change. The hard things in life will get better. You can lose something you have but you can also gain something new.

Nothing’s certain forever.

People’s opinion is fickle. One moment they can adore you. The very next day they could be your world’s greatest enemy. So just be yourself and don’t lose yourself in order to gain someone else’s favor.
Don’t lose yourself also because you’re upset of something you can’t change. Your wishes, your dreams, your ideals, it’s good for you to have them. But don’t push yourself too hard. Just focus on what you can do now. And who knows, your wishes, your dreams, your ideals, you will see them just along the road of your self-improvement.

So be always happy, where ever you are, what ever you do, who ever you are inside, when ever.

Thank you for the good people in your life.
Let go of who ever or what ever that doesn’t belong in your life.
Don’t hate. Because hatred is eating your soul inside.
Remember the good thing.
Forget the bad thing, or at least don’t let it get to you.
Be grateful to God.
Be a better human.


Disclaimer: Picture is not mine, all rights belong to the owner.


Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful 28/10/2016

Filed under: Reflections — hifni1985 @ 10:27 pm
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Life and its turn of events sometimes shape us to be who we are today. Our belief, worry, expectation, point of view, moral value, thought, behavior, action, and limitation is something we set for ourselves.

When things start to cloud your judgment and fill your life with negativity, why don’t you put them all down to rest. Let’s start from one clean piece of paper. Lift all those pressures from your heart, mind, and soul.

Treat people with sincerity, when they don’t appreciate it, let it go; it’s not your fault.
If people hurt you, just let it go, don’t think why, it’s in them not you.
No need to think what people think of you because that’s not who you are.

No need to hold back either.
You don’t need to do something you don’t like,
You can do whatever you want to do.

But don’t obsess over things.
If you can’t do it now, you can do it later,

Achieve whatever you want to achieve,
If you can’t achieve it now, maybe you could later.
Failure will not last forever.
“One door is closed, thousand doors are open”
And you’ll never know what future may bring you.

Don’t let your fear of the future and your burden from the past put a shackle on your feet and prevent you from moving further.
After all, the past is in the past, the future will come anyway, so let’s just relax and do your best.

I, must be thinking too much that I forget something.
That the most valuable treasure God has given me is myself with all the blessings God has put in me.
I forgot to be grateful to God for creating myself, the way I am.
Now that I have realized it, I feel so at ease.

Smile all you want. No need to be sad over anything. No need to feel any pressure from yourself or from anyone else.

Just like the song says:
“I am beautiful no matter what they say.”
“I am beautiful in every single way.”

Now “I want to claim my happiness” by being myself.
“Be my own kind of beautiful.”


What Goes Around Comes Around 22/10/2016

Filed under: Reflections — hifni1985 @ 9:45 am
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The concept what goes around comes around is indeed happening.

It’s just that for me, I breathe around it.

I know I’ve said this before, but since I was a child, every time I made a mistake, the payback always happened not long after.

I never usually cheated on a test, but once I tried to cheat on one test in elementary school grade 4, I got caught and apologized to my teacher.
Whenever I’m late coming to school during my middle school, I could never avoid the punishment picking up the garbage (while some of my friends manage to avoid it).
I tried to scheme something once to avoid a penalty in a library, but I got caught anyway, paid the penalty, and apologized.
Once I lied to my aunt because I hate doing this one thing that she ask a favor frequently, but got caught and scolded then apologized to her.
I hardly ever skip school or lesson, but I did it once (to go somewhere with my friends) and I got caught and scolded (while my friends who were with me got off just fine), I apologized and was so embarrassed and sad because of it.

All these my first try of bad demeanor, always fail and makes me suffer embarrassment and apologize for it.
That’s why I never bother to do it again. If I do bad things, I’m always ready to face the consequences.
I never avoid apologizing. I always apologize when I make a mistake because that’s what my mom taught me: Principal of Sorry, Thank You, and Please. It’s just that this lesson made my conviction stronger that I should never bother to avoid the punishment. Or even better, I should never do that mistake again (for some things that’s in my power).

So I never bother to cheat on test and just accept my score as it is.
If I’m late, I would just accept the consequences, whether it’s the scolding or the pay cut.
I returned books I borrowed on time or just pay how much the penalty when I returned them late.
And I would just say no when I don’t like to do a favor people ask of me.

And also it goes to say, when something bad happens to me, I always think of “whether there was something bad I did recently?” That kind of mindset.

Now that makes me think, my life sucks lately, could it be that “all this while”, I am in the middle of paying the consequences of all the things that I did wrong before.
Well, maybe this is all my fault.


(Posted some thoughts about this in facebook on August 17, 2016 at 17:18)

picture credit: picture is not mine, all rights to the original owner


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